Self Image and Self Esteem

I was on the stationary bike yesterday morning at the gym, when my neighbor-cycler and me engaged in conversation. This 32 yr old woman told me she felt depressed, anxious, aggressive and generally overwhelmed. Even though she has a healthy constitution and fairly good looks, she told me she feels fat and ugly most of the time. I was honest to her and said I didn't think she has weight issues. Her husband does. It's her husband who tells her she doesn't fulfill his expectations. It's her husband that's controlling her by using against her a weapon he knows will make her weak: her issues with her self image. It saddens me that our conversation was not long enough to get her to understand that no one has the right to destroy her self esteem to the degree of feeling depressed and suicidal.

Unfortunately, psychological abuse is common in couples. You'd be surprised to learn from the Psychological Maltreatment of Women Inventory that putting down a person's physical appearance is the number one question. Other ways of psychologically abusing someone includes:

• calling names
• yelling
• swearing
• withholding affection
• not doing a fair share of household tasks
• ordering around
• monitoring your whereabouts, phone calls, etc.
• not contributing financially to the household
• not allowing you to get needed medical care
• threatening to leave the relationship
• blaming you for his or her violent behavior
• blaming you for his or her problems
• trying to convince you that there is something wrong with you or that you are crazy
• being insensitive to your personal or sexual needs

Source: http://sitemaker.umich.edu/pmwi/downloadable_versions_of_the_pmwi

If you are being abused in any way, please get help. Do Not Allow physical abuse and Do Not Let your partner control you or manipulate you in a negative way. And remember, you are valuable no matter what the perception of others is.