The Gift (Short Story)

It was the month of June when she decided she was ready to offer something special to a young man that had been courting her for some time and that she had fallen in love with. After thinking about it for some time, she decided to give him her own self, her innermost feelings, her own intimacy: they were going to make love for the first time. She gave herself candidly, selflessly, completely. They continued to have a relationship, but soon it was not satisfactory at all. In fact, she felt sad most of the time.

Six months after that moment, by the end of the Holidays, she was meditating on why everything went wrong between them. As she analyzed every aspect of the situation, she figured out that their story had been very similar to that of a valuable, but soon forgotten, present. She decided to put her feelings in writing in the form of a short story.

The Gift
Short Story

One June, a young, attractive, professionally successful man received a gift: the latest version of a “Modern, Educated Professional Woman.” According to the promotional campaign, this model was able to offer “love, passion, communication, attention, and much more”. It was also advertised as “assertive, intelligent, but still charming and sweet”. If properly treated, the Modern, Educated, Professional Woman model was able to “offer many years of loving company.” Since it was a human model, it also included a vast integrated memory, consisting of previous experiences and cognition. This memory made the model even richer, more complete, intense, passionate; in one word, all that she was.

The problem with the gift was that he was not expecting it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it; it was just that he was not ready to accept it. Even then, because of his good nature, he took the gift, just to discover later that he didn’t know what to do with it. This gift, the Woman’s model, was like the fine sculpture he once got from a friend. It was beautiful, nice and well made, but it didn’t exactly fit in his living room. The Lady model was OK, but at this moment, it did not fit in his life.

That is probably why he started finding flaws on the Woman’s version. According to him, it was hard to understand how the Woman’s model worked. He did not realize that the instructions were so simple that he could have overcome the obstacles by using a little kindness and good intention. Obviously, the Woman was not an extension of him, and for that reason he was unable to guess what she needed and felt, but the model also had a very convenient feature called “Communication,” which allowed her to talk and express her feelings. But the young man was so busy trying to figure out the instructions by himself that he completely forgot to use this feature.

Quite often, the young man tried to troubleshoot the Woman’s model. He was using the wrong tools, though. Things like criticism, sarcasm and yelling caused the Woman’s Model to malfunction. Without knowing it, he slowly destroyed the feeling of love in the model, since he did not try hard enough to find the proper tools in His Heart Depot. If he had gone to the Heart Depot, he would have found exactly what he needed, but he preferred the comfort of no-action-at-all. That is why he caused the Final Short Circuit on the model. Tired and frustrated, he pushed the Lady away from him, into a cabinet, and went on with his business.

The Woman stayed for a while in the closet, crying in desolation. She felt the hurt of love. Fortunately, two things were still intact: her Integrity, Self-esteem and Dignity Kit, along with her Kit of Resilience. She made an effort, and used both kits. She understood that, if the relationship did not work, it wasn’t because she was defective.

The Woman finally recovered and got out of the closet, emerging even stronger and more beautiful than ever. She went back to work after the Holidays, early on a Tuesday. As her coworkers came to the office and greeted each other, they wondered if the management had hired a new employee. No, they had not. It was the Modern, Educated Professional Woman, sitting there, with her beautiful smile. They admired her new haircut, and how she had even lost some weight and how great she looked now. (The coworkers didn’t know that the Woman did not feel like eating much while she was in the closet).

Now the Modern, Educated Professional Woman has continued with her life and doesn’t even think of him (well, not that much). She has incorporated this experience into her cognition, which has made her even smarter, stronger and emotionally more intelligent. Instead of feeling weak and defeated, she is sure that she has learned from her mistakes and will not make them again. The Woman recognizes her story did have a happy ending, after all.

Image Credits: Microsoft.com
©Marie Santini 2009

What is really important when looking for Mr. Right?

Jenee Desmond-Harris has written a brilliant story about dating and relationships. Its title: What Single Women Can Learn From Michelle: Would most Type A, professional women have dated Barack when he was a broke, big-eared organizer with a funny name? You can find it here: theroot.com http://www.theroot.com/views/what-single-women-can-learn-michelle?page=3,1

Even though she is writing about educated black men and women dating issues, I think the article is valid for every person as well. It states that many times women use the wrong standards to decide who to date. According to Ms. Desmond's experience, women have refused to even try to establish a relationship with otherwise intelligent, caring, responsible and honest men because they had either unattractive lips (according to their very personal criteria, I guess), "ashy toes"; he was not tall enough, or because he used the same word a lot, or maybe stuttered once in a while. Not to mention all the women I know who will refuse a prospect because of the size of his bank account.

Then Ms. Desmond urges us, women, to redefine what attractiveness is. I am citing from her article: those of us who do seek to have relationships... of similar circumstances might need to open up a little. That doesn’t mean giving up on attraction. Attraction cannot be faked or forced. But we must start to question our assumptions about what our ideal really is.

These words remind me the many conversations I had with a female friend when we were both divorced women in our mid thirties, and back on the dating scene. My friend had set inflexible standards regarding the men she would date. If the man was a bit overweight, or his hair was "too gray", or beyond certain age, or did not meet height requirements, she would completely ignore him. Incredibly, one time she found someone she actually liked and dated, but later on refused him because she wanted someone bigger, sexually speaking.... :-

My friend used to tell me "I wish I were more like you. You speak to people and are nice to them regardless of their looks". I used to tell her: Listen, you may be missing the opportunity to find a great man and true love just because you are not willing to negotiate your standards.

I know how important is attraction and sexual desire in a couple. It is just that sometimes they don't come instantly. Sometimes they do, but to me attraction also emerges with time and friendship. It may happen after a great conversation, when you confirm how smart and what a good listener the man is. Or during a time of crisis, when he is there for you, and you discover how caring and selfless a man can be. Who knows, you may even find a man attractive after you watch him interacting with his children. You may see in him those desirable attributes you want when you think about the father of your own children.

So, I am very happy that Ms. Desmond has brought us the First Example of how things work: the First Family of the USA. Of course, Mr. Obama is tall, fit, smart, educated. And he is Mr. President now, which makes him desirable (according to many women's standards). But Michelle found him, fell in love, and got married when all he had was potential.

And, boy, she made the right decision!

Five Reasons Why Ricky Martin is HOT!

I worked so hard to impress him with my English vocabulary and American cultural references. (I didn’t always succeed, however. Ricky Martin was the only Western singer who was “hot” in Ukraine then, but Steve sweetly informed me that he wasn’t exactly the coolest musician in the States.) I guess I was surprised that I had actually found a guy who seemed cultured and witty.
---Glamour Magazine, interview with Lera Loeb

OOOkay.... First of all, thanks to this successful couple who has inspired me to write about them for the second time.

By the Way: I have decided to continue to write blog entries in both languages, English and Spanish, so I have separated my original blog in two: Teclas de Vida (Spanish) and Marie's Keyboard (English)

Going back to the Loeb's opinion about Ricky (actually Steve's opinion instilled into his then girlfriend) I may understand why many people think our Puerto Rican star Ricky is not the greatest singer. For one, his voice scale is not that diverse.

HOWEVER, what makes this young man GRAND is much more than being Ricky Martin the Singer. It is his social consciousness; the fact that even though he has had a good life (which he has earned by working hard), he is very aware that there are thousands of people dying of malnourishment and abuse around the world. He knows children are exploited both physically and sexually in many countries, that women are abused and that drugs are corrupting almost every society around the world.

But the most important part is: he has done SOMETHING about it. And he doesn't brag about it.

1. Let's start with The Ricky Martin Foundation – The following information and statistics are from the website rickymartinfoundation.org. The foundation deals with the following social problems: CHILD TRAFFICKING The best available estimate is that 1.2 million children are trafficked worldwide every year for exploitation purposes such as forced labor, commercial sexual exploitation, prostitution and servitude, among other forms of slavery.
 BIRTH REGISTRATION Every year over 50 million children begin a life with no access to the most basic human rights. They have no identity; they are invisible. IOLENCE AGAINST CHILDREN Worldwide, an estimated 40 million children under the age of 15 suffer from violence, abuse and neglect. EDUCATION Nearly 115 million children are out of school. Globally, some 54% of the children out of primary school are girls. HEALTH More than 10 million children under the age of five die each year. Two thirds of both neonatal and young child deaths - every year, over six million of those deaths - can be prevented.
2. In addition to the numerous awards received throughout his musical career, Martin has also been honored for his humanitarian efforts including: The Leadership in the Arts Award; Billboard's Spirit of Hope Award, The Alma Award, Vanguard Award; International Humanitarian Award by the International Centre for Missing & Exploited Children; Hispanic Heritage Award for his humanitarian work through the Sabera Foundation in rescuing three orphan girls from the streets of Calcutta (September 2002)
3. During the 2004 Tsunami: Martin visited Thailand shortly after the Dec. 26th tsunami ravaged the Indian Ocean basin. There, he told reporters at the Foreign Affairs Ministry, “After looking at those images on television, it was impossible for me to stay at home with my arms crossed.” Upon arrival, he began to explore ways to show his concern for the country and its people. (From Habitat.org; Ricky Martin Aids Tsunami Relief. URL: http://www.habitat.org/newsroom/2005archive/insitedoc009246.aspx
4. In Puerto Rico he has worked to improve the lives of hundreds of poor, disadvantaged children, by building schools, visiting shelters and always looking for ways to contribute.
5. He is an advocate of Human Rights through active participation in the following organizations: ALAS, International Organization for Migration, Yo Amo America Campaign and others.

I can understand why some insecure men will discourage their young fiancées from admiring a much younger, successful, honest man. But, Lera, life has taught me that as you mature you are going to start having your own objective opinions. You are going to start taking other's input as part of your own decisional process regarding what you like and what you don't like. This is good. It is called independence.

Once you are independent, you are going to want to help others reach independence. It may mean working on behalf battered women and children, the poor, the malnourished, the people you left back home who are still unhappy and unfulfilled. You may even want start a new blog that is not only about glam. How about one that will encourage the young women back in Ukrania to pursue their right to education?

OOOkay...
I promise I won't write another blog about the Loebs. Unless they give me a reason, lol.