Non Custodial Mothers - Share your stories

Hello! I have decided to share with you my story, though no words can describe the sadness and powerlesness of losing the custody of my children. I encourage you to read it and leave me comments with your own experiences.

Since November 2007 I lost custody of my two children, then ages 10 (girl) and 7 (boy). I had been hospitalized for an emotional condition. When I got out of the hospital, my children were terrified to see me. My ex-husband had told them that I was in a mental institution because I was "crazy" and that I could even kill them. All I had was mayor depresion, since I wasn't able to find a better job even though I have post graduate education.

But you know what? I should have seen this coming. Earlier that year (in February 2007) I requested a child support revision. My ex husband and I separated in 2001 and the child support ammount was assigned that year: $500 for two children going to private school. As a result of the hearing, the judge determined my ex-husband had to pay three times that amount. For many, it may be a fair amount, since it was never revised in 6 years.

My ex-husband started making comments, saying that I wanted him to support me, "instead of focusing on finding a better job". As I said before, I did engage in active job search for new opportunities as I was, in fact, working as a Spanish Interpreter, for 7.50 per hour, but only part time. His attacks and insinuations were even stronger after my fiancé and me got married in September 2007. Then he switched his discourse to "let her new husband support her, not me". He apparently did know, but chose to ignore the fact that child support is a child's right and a parent's obligation.

When I got so depressed I needed hospitalization, he found the opportunity he had been waiting for. He had the children with him during this period and told them I was really sick and unable to take care of them. The memories of December 23, 2007 still break my heart. I tried to take my boy home with me for his eight birthday party (my daughter's birthday had already passed when this happened). His father drove him to my house but the boy sternly refused to stay. I asked him why, but all he said was "I just don't want to". I asked him "are you scared"? and he answered yes. Finally, for the child's sake, I did not force him to come to my house if he did not want to.

We were in the middle of a huge custody case, which I lost because the children would always reaffirm to the social workers that they did not feel safe with me. That is unbelievable, since, as I said, I was a single mother from 2001 to 2006, and always was a responsible parent.

The relationship with my son has improved with time. Now my youngest child comes to my house and stays for longer periods. The girl does not, but I am sure she will someday. On the other hand, I was granted disability benefits from the Social Security Administration, since the effect of more than a year's struggle in court severely affected my already fragile health situation.

After all this, I find it harder to trust people. I am not innocent anymore. I wonder if everyone else has an agenda, as my ex husband did. I guess this is good, in part. I am still healing. After my son leaves from visitation on alternate Sundays, I still cry for the next couple of days. I miss being a full time mom. Since I'm not there, I wonder if they are doing homework, if they are eating well, if they are getting enough sleep....

I wish I could say that everything happens for a reason and firmly believe what I say. For now, I say it by faith.